Well its been a really hectic week for me. Started off last Monday with my Year 12 formal which was friggen awesome. Then we had an after party which went on till 6 in the morning. I got really smashed and crashed by 4am. All I remember last from the party was I threw a bottle of bourbon out the window. which apparently by that time I was off my head. Tuesday I was still feeling the party late in the afternoon. Tuesday night I headed off to be on air (radio) with Ivars and Abel and another mate of Ivars. Wednesday I slept all day and then headed of to soccer. My team is a bunch of 17-18yr olds and we are playing in a division full of premier league and state rep players. Wednesday night we did something unbelievable and beat one of the premier league teams 6-4. We were 3-0 down at half time.  That was a hectic night. Thursday night was the same but i was refereeing and we ended up having a freaky ass storm kill the night off. Friday I headed off the school to sign out and then I was off to my mates to MW2 till scouts at night. Saturday I had a really long day standing in the sun playing cricket till 6pm. Then I headed off to Andrew's 18th and man did I have a good time. I got really smashed and I was drinking till 7 in the morning. I ended up sleeping at 730am. Sunday morning I was spose to be at Birrong pools teaching kids about water safety and how to swim. I rocked up about an hour late and still feeling the party in my head. I don't know how none of the kids didn't drown while I was off my head. Sunday afternoon I was repairing the trailers at the scout hall with Bazza.

So there was pretty much my week of hekticness and man it was a week. Probably gonna have more parties to get hammered on soon. :)

Hurts Too Much

Hurts Too Much

"StarSailor"

We all get burned sometimes

lately i've had mine

Starts off in your mind

Runs right down your spine

We all get hurt by love

When you've had enough

Cracks all start to show

Sooner than you know

And it hurts too much

I'm letting you go

I'll walk these wet streets

Somewhere alone

We all get taken in

By dreams we'll never be in

Problems that we face

Soon will be replaced

And it hurts too much

I'm letting you go

I'll walk these wet streets 

Somewhere alone

And it hurts too much

I'm lettin you go

I'll walk these wet streets 

Somewhere alone

You looking for something

You already know

I'm down upon my knees

I see you're ready to fall

I'm down upon my knees

I see you're ready to fall

Fine....

Today was just absolutely fucking shit. Morning get up at 6.... FUCKING 6 to help my uncle out... then was spose to be heading to Villawood for 1030... I'm just about to get there and then change of plans... We were then gonna meet up at 12.... When we finally all met up... We discovered that the camp we organize has to be cancelled because of fucking lame transport issues.... So now the camp that I was planning on having is now canned because of some pathetic stupid reason of transport... Problem was we left organizing to late... After this I was going to a friends party... We talked on the phone before and I said as a joke because she invited someone that sometimes I don't get along with, To stick the party up her bum... she took it seriously... and decided to fuck me off.... HOW FUCKING STUPID.... She knows me so well she knows I joke a lot and she takes this seriously... and even after that she couldn't even have the guts to tell me not to come up.. instead let me turn up and get her friend  to tell me leave...She knows she can tell me not to come, its not like I'm gonna full rage and shit at her, I've got to much respect for her....I seriously have no fucking idea what the fuck was running through her head at the time. Honestly if she seriously took that much offense to what I said I was willing to apologize to her face and then leave.. but no she didn't even want to do that.. No matter what tho even through all this anger I still see her as a great friend... and Am willing to make it up to her.

After all this crap I ended up heading home to find out no-one home and me being locked outside in the fucking heat for a hour and a half....

Today I wasn't even ment to go anywhere. All this shit happened because I promise her I would try my hardest to come to her party. Normally today I have cricket but because I've busted my finger I couldn't play. So I decided to go to her party... and she does this to me... Her friends telling me to call her later and apologize.... Not like she will pick up.... And if I message her... Not like she'll believe it anyway... So here I am fucking depressed about a good friend..... All I wanted to do was have a great time and celebrate her 16th....

Im more awesome she said!

Cindy Tan said I'm more awesome than her :)

Now the latest...

Well got my suit the other day looking quite smick in it as well. Didn't think I pull it off but I did in the end. Modern Warfare 2 came out as well and I have to say its so fucking bloody awesome. Too bad the single player story line missions were short and with a weird ending. Must me a Modern Warfare 3 coming out then . OMG can't wait for that to come out then.

Today we had referee's presentation night/AGM and man it was boring as hell. Me, Haz, Nik and soem other mates decided to have fun with all the cups that were given to us to drink from but we didn't need. We came up with some stupid things such as face masks and Playstation controllers to towers. We also became evil doctors and swap the heads of two jelly babies. We were acting the goat for at least the whole 4 hours. Greatest laugh and joke I've had in ages with anyone.

Coming up I've got Formal, camp and interviews at Manly which will be a pain in the arse to get to. I'm not quite organised for formal. Completely disorganized for camp and interviews are soon and I haven't even booked yet. Oh well, Looks like I'm gonna be busy these next couple of days.

My pinky finger is still in the shape of an L. Which means Its been like this for just over a week now. Looks like I'm gonna have to see a doctor about it. The amazing thing about it is I seriously can't feel anything in it. I know its not broken.  The only thing I can think of why it's like this is because I've busted a nerve in it. Awesome much?

Signing out of school life forever on Thursday which will be interesting as I don't know what I'm going to do if I bump into to certain people .... I reckon I should just run with the flow. See what happens and make quick decisions when the time is right.

The only reason our world revolves is because humans must hate. Why? Seriously everywhere you go you hear of hate in some manner. It's stupid. I know I'm one of those hater type people but I hate the right things, such as young kids acting as if they are twice their age and as if they were king shit and the world revolves around them. Seriously sometimes I think the world needs a big smack in the face to realise how stupid we have all become. Why am I ranting on about absolute shit I have no idea...

Chow!

Stepping stones.

Well, I've given my head a week's worth of time to think things over. I've work out that if things need to get better I need to talk to someone in particular. Hopefully this will heal some wounds and re-establish connections between old friends. Then in which I'm hoping will rise into bigger and better things. If this doesn't work out I don't know what will and I'll know one thing for sure I've probably thrown away the bestest friend I could of asked for. So basically I should start sorting this horrible mess up by the end of the week.

Heading off to city in the morning to pick up the suit! Woot!

Anyway gonna go hit the sack! David said hello as well ! :)

Suit Up

Well Friday I hit the town for a suit. Ended up finding a SABA suit worth $500. That was just jacket and pants.

Total:
Jacket $360
Pants $140
Shirt $90
Tie $60
Belt $50
Shoes $150

All up : $850

Here's a Picture of the suit!

Lets us know what you think :)

Unanswerable Questions......

Just over three months ago I decided to stab myself so deep the pain would hurt me for a long period of time. I tried various methods to overcome this pain with none of them being successful as I still feel the pain stronger than ever after today. I don't know why I stab myself in the first place. Why did I chose this path? Why did I do what I done? Was it because I was feeling anger to myself? 

Sometimes I wish I could travel time and make things right again but that wish would be impossible. All I can do is to help build my future but every time I try, I fail because of this burden I placed on myself. Why do I feel so much pain? Why haven't I felt like this before? All these questions place in my confused and unsettled mind get thrown aside into the unanswerable pile. 

The question that sits on the top of that pile is: What are my feelings?.....